Men…dividing women

“So, the polygamy is not good. I always telling my sons, that they can take polygamy when I die, because I don’t like it for the rest of my life.”

My husband asks me to go to see his sister who was sick in Ngwelezane Hospital.

When I came back from the hospital i saw my cousin at the bus stop, he told me that there was a lady looking for your husband and he gave her the directions to my house, my cousin said the lady was with a girl child. I felt upset about the news and I went home. When I arrived, my children told me that there is girl toddler at home she came with her mother. I asked where they were, they said they are in my house in my bedroom. I felt upset more, it was more painful to me but I pretend that it was not painful. I went to the house and greet them, I cleaned the house, changed the side of the room, made food. After that I went to another house to sleep.

I was going to sleep with my children, I had boy children only, so when I was about to lock the door, my husband come in the house and sat down. He speaking things I didn’t understand, like he told me that there is woman in my house, she is coming to leave her daughter with me as I don’t have a girl child so I said to him I don’t need someone’s child I am just satisfied with my children, as my boys are fine by me, after that he asked if I have prepare a room for this lady. He asked me where we are going to sleep. I felt angry and said please go to sleep your visitor, how can bring someone here and sleep alone. Just go and sleep with your visitor you bring her here knowing that it’s my house, so I don’t care, go to your lady.

It was painful to me, but then I reflected: What happened to me I had done to another woman, my husband’s first wife, because, my husband used to bring me to her bedroom, into her marital bed. I felt the pain when the man does that to me. So, all I am saying is that MEN are dividing us as women, because what was happening to his first wife is happening to me. So, the polygamy is not good. I always telling my sons, that they can take polygamy when I die, because I don’t like it for the rest of my life.

When my husband died, this is when I saw the first wife true colours because she said everything belong to her husband and to her and her children. So I didn’t get anything from my husband, other people told me that I must go to Tribal court about this issue. I went there to open a case, they help me about small things, but they ask me to transfer my case, I did that, I transferred it to the Magistrates Court and they also help me get a quarter portion of our belongings. So, my family tell me to leave this homestead because the children of first wife was older and matured and might do something to me. So, I left and went to build homestead next to my family home.

This is the first time to share this story with this group, because I trust this space.