The power lays within you
“I will be your shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen and a heart to feel your pain.”
The extent of the damage from my second marriage was more than I was prepared for, years of seeking acceptance, proving my worth, belittlement and just never being good enough set me on a path of emotional co-dependency. Divorce meant adapting to a world where me being “ME” was enough and a hard concept to grasp.
At age 44, I planned my entire life around making everyone else happy, making sure I was needed as mother, a daughter and a best friend, never realising I was emotionally co-dependent, I needed to be needed, after all the battles, trials and tribulations, here I stood facing the rest of my life alone. I held on to people that saw me as just their means to an end. People are only loyal to their need from you, once their needs change so does their loyalty, make no mistake they will leave you without even a thank you or a goodbye. This lesson I learnt by making a stranger my own.
2019 I saw myself take the reins taking charge of my life and my business, I built me and I would be damned if anyone was going to bring me down. With a big void in my heart, having lost the one person I trusted with everything and the person that just loved me for who I am, I had to pick myself up, dust off my hurt, pain and disappointment, straighten my crown and stand tall.
I found myself waking up each day with a new fight. Facing them head on, losing sleep over people and situation’s I could not control. The hardest lesson I learned was from a someone I took as my own, I groomed and trained. Little did I realise I was teaching someone how to stab me in the back. Careful who you trust. One morning, while driving to work I realised stressing was not going to change the issue or take it away, just smile and be greatful for what is going right, situations and people are temporary brought on by the choices we make or don’t make. Each situation in our lives comes with a lesson to be learnt, how quick we are to learn the lesson is up to us.
I learnt to understand that when we pray for patience, God does not give us patience but instead an opportunity to be patient. When we pray for courage, he does not hand us courage on a silver platter but an opportunity to be courageous; to show our strength. It has to come from within us, like wise when we pray for wealth and health, he is not going to full our bank accounts or pay our debt, no he is going to hand us opportunities to earn our own money to pay off our debt.
Change is eminent for growth to take place but it has to come from within, no one can force you, people can advise you but only when you want to make the change, will you, and on that day you will notice the change in everything else around you. Make every day count, make small changed but make sure you are changing in the right direction every day.
I was fortunate to have been invited to a Women’s Empowerment workshop, by Norma Jean when our Book, Entrepreneurship for Women, “THE AFRICAN DREAM”, by Dr Marlini Nair – Moodley was released.
During this period, I found myself with a much bigger friendship circle but most alone, during my trying days. On one particular day, I was faced with a very challenging situation of being physically abused by someone I have just met. Something about him, just created a doubt in everyone’s minds and I found my friends distance themselves from me, after voicing their opinions on numerous occasions that fell on my deaf ears. This moment I realised that I want to offer to women, that have no where to turn a shoulder of safety, someone that they could tell their entire story too and not be judged, just someone to cry with and not feel alone. This idea grew when I posted it on Facebook and found so many women inbox me, just to chat, just needing someone to listen.
We have become so pro active in our lives that sometimes we do not realise that, our advice is not always needed, but our support is. We have no idea of the next persons situation and their will to fight or when they will be ready to fight but what we should know to do is listen, just listen, its not difficult every situation does not have a quick and easy solution. It took me 13 years to walk away from my second marriage, and when I did I was emotionally and financially better equipped.